In the Netherlands, a woman is murdered every 8 days, usually by her partner or ex-partner. The new national campaign against femicide, which Amsterdam is also participating in, aims to raise awareness of the seriousness of this issue. “It is important that women and their surroundings recognize the red flags and take action before it is too late.”

Barbara Godwaldt from De Blijf Groep knows how impactful femicide is: in 2020 her sister was killed by her partner. Since then, Godwaldt has been working to protect other women.

Violence often begins as a relationship deepens

Violence often arises as the bond grows. “At the moment a relationship deepens, for example through marriage or cohabitation, violence can begin or increase,” says Godwaldt. Pregnancy also increases the risk. “Often, it starts during this period. People marry, have children, and move in together. Then the dynamics of the relationship change quickly.”

Recognize the signs

Various signs can indicate a problematic relationship. Extreme jealousy and control are important warning signs. “What you often see is that perpetrators place their own needs at the center. In a healthy relationship, you strive to ensure that both partners are happy, can develop, and can be themselves. In problematic relationships, that equality is completely gone,” says Godwaldt.

Being jealous once is not yet intimate terror. Only when multiple signs occur over a longer period and it is not possible to set boundaries is there coercive control. Sometimes the perpetrator also intimidates children or pets, or threatens suicide.

The notion that intimate terror mainly occurs among women with a weaker financial position is, according to Godwaldt, not true. “It is often strong women with good jobs, who are not directly financially dependent on their partner. Sometimes it is difficult to say who is dependent on whom. The perpetrator may actually be dependent on the victims status,” she explains.

Ending a relationship can be dangerous

Ending a relationship is often the most dangerous moment. “My sister was killed at the moment she wanted to end the relationship. She knew nothing of intimate terror and chose the decent way, but that turned out to be life-threatening,” Godwaldt says.

She therefore advises always to choose a safe approach, for example with the help of a professional or from a safe environment. “Make sure someone is with the perpetrator at the moment of breaking up. Making a plan in advance can save lives.”

What you can do

Everyone can recognize signs of violence and support victims. “In our society, we often see relationships as something very private, but it is perfectly normal to ask someone: do you feel comfortable with this? Is this what you want?” By sharing experiences with friends, family, or colleagues, problems can come to light more quickly.

Professionals also play an important role. “It is important that help is accessible and that people know where to turn. Training within organizations and collaboration between chain partners are essential, so that victims have a circle of support – social, practical, physical, and psychological.”

Amsterdam is committed to combating femicide

Amsterdam joins the national approach against femicide and translates it into a regional approach within Amsterdam-Amstelland. We want to strengthen cooperation between organizations and ensure that professionals and volunteers are better equipped to recognize signs. We also want to better support survivors.

“We must be aware that femicide exists, and that there is often a pattern of prolonged, intimate terror that precedes it,” says Godwaldt. “Our system must be designed so that such situations occur less frequently. We must place the victim and any children even more at the center.”

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