Foster Parent Miriam: There was space, in my home and in my heart

“My friend had to undergo chemo and immune therapy and, as a single mother, could not care for her daughter. That’s why she asked me. ‘I’m sure she’s in good hands with you,’ she said. When someone asks you something like that, you don’t say no. There was space, both at home and in my heart. I found it natural to do this.”

Consulting with my children

“I am also a single mother. My children are 14, 17, and 25. Of course, I discussed it with them first. The youngest still lives at home, the oldest lives independently. The middle child is a high-level athlete and is only home on weekends. The girl would come to his room, so my son stayed with grandparents for a month on weekends.

The girl lived with us the entire month of September last year. After that, she stayed three days a week for another half year. On weekends she went home. She was in the middle of her school exams, and it gave her peace to be here. In May, she went home again. ‘I want to go to mom,’ she said, and that’s how it should be. A child prefers to be with her mother.”

Continuously involved

“I still play a role in the background. We message or call a few times a week. She can always turn to me with questions. I think along with her about school and other things teenagers deal with.

In the past, friends of my own children often came over. They stayed for meals or sleepovers, went on outings or even on vacation. I always enjoyed that, and children found it cozy at our place.”

A great responsibility

“This was the first time I was officially a foster parent. It is beautiful but also intense. It is a great responsibility to care for someone else’s child. You open your heart and home to a child in an uncertain situation. You give love, energy, time, and attention. And you give up some privacy. That’s why it’s important to be balanced yourself so you can provide stability to the child.

As a foster parent, you also have to be flexible. A child comes in who was raised differently and will integrate into your family. I said, ‘This is how we do it,’ but I didn’t impose it, kept talking with her. ‘Do you want something different?’ The only thing I wasn’t flexible about was that she let me know where she was. If she stayed for dinner at a friend’s and they ate late, that was fine as long as she sent me a message. Only when everyone was home in the evening was I reassured.”

Foster care, something for you?

Children deserve a loving and safe home. Sometimes parents cannot provide that for a while. For these children, it is better to live temporarily or partly with another family. Foster care can offer a solution. One option is network foster care. The child or young person is temporarily cared for by people who already know the child. These foster parents can be family, friends of the parents, a teacher, parents of friends, or someone from a sports club, church, or mosque. Network foster parents receive guidance and support from foster care organizations.

Would you like to offer a child a safe home? Visit amsterdam.nl/pleegzorg.

Photo: Henk Rougoor